halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
