I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
