Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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