He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
