You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
