Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize