I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
