Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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