my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
