i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
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I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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