I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
