I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
