i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
