Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
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