I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
