Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize