this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
