someone get that fucking seahorse.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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