and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
