Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
