only if we run a train.
done.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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