I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You don't make any sense
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