totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
