Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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