I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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