Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
