wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
