If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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