Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
