I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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