I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
