I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
