why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
