my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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