Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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