Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
