ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
