8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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