I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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