i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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