it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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