She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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