i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize