Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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