what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
