I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
