Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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