WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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