I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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