i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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