when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
