I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Enjoy the penises
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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