That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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