Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
