noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
