Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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