cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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