the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
