so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize