Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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