Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
