i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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