How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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