In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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