I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Drake has all the answers
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
