Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
