Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
