Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
