John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize