i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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