drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
