Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
