I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
